All's Well That Ends Well

ACT III SCENE II	Rousillon. The COUNT's palace.
[Enter COUNTESS and Clown]
COUNTESS	It hath happened all as I would have had it, save
	that he comes not along with her.
Clown	By my troth, I take my young lord to be a very
	melancholy man.
COUNTESS	By what observance, I pray you?	5
Clown	Why, he will look upon his boot and sing; mend the
	ruff and sing; ask questions and sing; pick his
	teeth and sing. I know a man that had this trick of
	melancholy sold a goodly manor for a song.
COUNTESS	Let me see what he writes, and when he means to come.	10
[Opening a letter]
Clown	I have no mind to Isbel since I was at court: our
	old ling and our Isbels o' the country are nothing
	like your old ling and your Isbels o' the court:
	the brains of my Cupid's knocked out, and I begin to
	love, as an old man loves money, with no stomach.	15
COUNTESS	What have we here?
Clown	E'en that you have there.
[Exit]
COUNTESS	[Reads] I have sent you a daughter-in-law: she hath
	recovered the king, and undone me. I have wedded
	her, not bedded her; and sworn to make the 'not'	20
	eternal. You shall hear I am run away: know it
	before the report come. If there be breadth enough
	in the world, I will hold a long distance. My duty
	to you. Your unfortunate son,
	BERTRAM.	25
	This is not well, rash and unbridled boy.
	To fly the favours of so good a king;
	To pluck his indignation on thy head
	By the misprising of a maid too virtuous
	For the contempt of empire.	30
[Re-enter Clown]
Clown	O madam, yonder is heavy news within between two
	soldiers and my young lady!
COUNTESS	What is the matter?
Clown	Nay, there is some comfort in the news, some
	comfort; your son will not be killed so soon as I	35
	thought he would.
COUNTESS	Why should he be killed?
Clown	So say I, madam, if he run away, as I hear he does:
	the danger is in standing to't; that's the loss of
	men, though it be the getting of children. Here	40
	they come will tell you more: for my part, I only
	hear your son was run away.
[Exit]
[Enter HELENA, and two Gentlemen]
First Gentleman	Save you, good madam.
HELENA	Madam, my lord is gone, for ever gone.
Second Gentleman	Do not say so.	45
COUNTESS	Think upon patience. Pray you, gentlemen,
	I have felt so many quirks of joy and grief,
	That the first face of neither, on the start,
	Can woman me unto't: where is my son, I pray you?
Second Gentleman	Madam, he's gone to serve the duke of Florence:	50
	We met him thitherward; for thence we came,
	And, after some dispatch in hand at court,
	Thither we bend again.
HELENA	Look on his letter, madam; here's my passport.
[Reads]
	When thou canst get the ring upon my finger which	55
	never shall come off, and show me a child begotten
	of thy body that I am father to, then call me
	husband: but in such a 'then' I write a 'never.'
	This is a dreadful sentence.
COUNTESS	Brought you this letter, gentlemen?	60
First Gentleman	Ay, madam;
	And for the contents' sake are sorry for our pain.
COUNTESS	I prithee, lady, have a better cheer;
	If thou engrossest all the griefs are thine,
	Thou robb'st me of a moiety: he was my son;	65
	But I do wash his name out of my blood,
	And thou art all my child. Towards Florence is he?
Second Gentleman	Ay, madam.
COUNTESS	And to be a soldier?
Second Gentleman	Such is his noble purpose; and believe 't,	70
	The duke will lay upon him all the honour
	That good convenience claims.
COUNTESS	Return you thither?
First Gentleman	Ay, madam, with the swiftest wing of speed.
HELENA	[Reads] Till I have no wife I have nothing in France.	75
	'Tis bitter.
COUNTESS	Find you that there?
HELENA	Ay, madam.
First Gentleman	'Tis but the boldness of his hand, haply, which his
	heart was not consenting to.	80
COUNTESS	Nothing in France, until he have no wife!
	There's nothing here that is too good for him
	But only she; and she deserves a lord
	That twenty such rude boys might tend upon
	And call her hourly mistress. Who was with him?	85
First Gentleman	A servant only, and a gentleman
	Which I have sometime known.
COUNTESS	Parolles, was it not?
First Gentleman	Ay, my good lady, he.
COUNTESS	A very tainted fellow, and full of wickedness.	90
	My son corrupts a well-derived nature
	With his inducement.
First Gentleman	Indeed, good lady,
	The fellow has a deal of that too much,
	Which holds him much to have.	95
COUNTESS	You're welcome, gentlemen.
	I will entreat you, when you see my son,
	To tell him that his sword can never win
	The honour that he loses: more I'll entreat you
	Written to bear along.	100
Second Gentleman	We serve you, madam,
	In that and all your worthiest affairs.
COUNTESS	Not so, but as we change our courtesies.
	Will you draw near!
[Exeunt COUNTESS and Gentlemen]
HELENA	'Till I have no wife, I have nothing in France.'	105
	Nothing in France, until he has no wife!
	Thou shalt have none, Rousillon, none in France;
	Then hast thou all again. Poor lord! is't I
	That chase thee from thy country and expose
	Those tender limbs of thine to the event	110
	Of the none-sparing war? and is it I
	That drive thee from the sportive court, where thou
	Wast shot at with fair eyes, to be the mark
	Of smoky muskets? O you leaden messengers,
	That ride upon the violent speed of fire,	115
	Fly with false aim; move the still-peering air,
	That sings with piercing; do not touch my lord.
	Whoever shoots at him, I set him there;
	Whoever charges on his forward breast,
	I am the caitiff that do hold him to't;	120
	And, though I kill him not, I am the cause
	His death was so effected: better 'twere
	I met the ravin lion when he roar'd
	With sharp constraint of hunger; better 'twere
	That all the miseries which nature owes	125
	Were mine at once. No, come thou home, Rousillon,
	Whence honour but of danger wins a scar,
	As oft it loses all: I will be gone;
	My being here it is that holds thee hence:
	Shall I stay here to do't? no, no, although	130
	The air of paradise did fan the house
	And angels officed all: I will be gone,
	That pitiful rumour may report my flight,
	To consolate thine ear. Come, night; end, day!
	For with the dark, poor thief, I'll steal away.	135
[Exit]

Next: All's Well That Ends Well, Act 3, Scene 3